fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize