please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
