I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
