Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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