I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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