Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
