my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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