some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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