Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
