No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
