Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
