I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You made out with two different species that night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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