I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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