The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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