I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
