I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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