you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
