Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
