I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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