hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
