Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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