Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
