I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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