I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
