i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
