if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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