office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
