i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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