dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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