who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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