in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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