Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
