bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
