you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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