peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
