she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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