Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
