I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
