Best friends brother. Beat that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
