Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
