I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
