dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
