There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
