Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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