I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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