All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
