So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
