just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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