I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
