I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
