You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
