I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
