Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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