This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
