Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize