so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
