Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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