this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
