her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize