does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I didn't shave. On purpose
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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