I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
