I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
