And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
well you can't waste a boner
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
