She said her name was "party"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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