I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it because I queefed?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
