haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
