I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
