i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize