My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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