one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I love having hate sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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