He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
