i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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