it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
