Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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