Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
