I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just had sex on a roof
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
