I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
