All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
