Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Randomize
