i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
where am i from again
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
