have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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