God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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