i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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