He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
