If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize