Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
